The news of my cancer coming back with such aggression was hard to digest last week. But by breaking down the situation and focusing my energy on factors I can control, I end this week feeling like I have really accomplished something. A small goal. A win from a bad situation. I have locked in a date for surgery, one week earlier than I was told. Given the growth rate of my brain tumour, I am very happy about attacking the tumour earlier!

This is only possible by the good people that I have met in my life. These people have been working beyond what is required of them to help me in a difficult time in my life.

I have come up from Sydney, and have now met my team at Princess Alexandria Hospital (PAH) in Brisbane. They seem to be well regarded in their industry. I have been very impressed at how well the processes at the PAH work, and how efficient and nice all the staff have been to me!

This task is more daunting every time I think about it. It seems more dangerous every time I learn more about it. It wont be easy for the team operating on me, and things can go good or bad for my life or quality of life. But my situation in not easy and I just need to have faith in something. A belief that it can be overcome!

Surgery will be in the first week of May 2016. My cognition and motor control may not be great next week. But keep an eye out for my posts and blogs while I am recovering in the coming months!

Keep enjoying life

Mex

Admiring the artwork with my ‘life savers’ on the head

Reping the scrubs

My markers for scans and surgery look a little like ‘life savers’ lollies

To say it has been a big week would be an understatement. In 2014 I was diagnosed with a malignant Grade 3 brain tumour, and treated it with surgery and radiotherapy. In 2015 my brain cancer came back, and I was put on chemotherapy for what was meant to be 6-12 months. And now in 2016, 11 months later, my brain cancer has decided to either grow back while I am undertaking chemo, or more cancer has decided to grow. Either way, it is not what I want or need.

My cognitive symptoms and numbness on the right hand side of my body had been worsening for the last few weeks. The worry got to the point where I couldn’t wait for my scheduled scan at the end of April and my nurse, Marina, brought me in to the Royal North Shore Hospital a week early to have the contrast-MRI scans. I was able to get my scans in the morning, and see my oncologist, Dr Mustafa Khasraw, in the afternoon. A Thursday afternoon.

I walked into Dr Khasraw’s office and could see an image of my brain on the screen instantly. It was clear that there was change. A lot of change. A large growth. In the space of less than three months my brain tumour had come back from being dormant to waking up and growing with an aggressive growth rate! Unbelievable. We decided the plan is to try an awake craniotomy again, another awake brain operation. Followed up by the possibility of further radiotherapy and then more chemotherapy.

Unfortunately it’s not just as easy as just going back for more surgery, radio and chemo. More brain surgery may not provide the rewards over risk that I desired, with the possibility of leaving me disabled or a vegetable. 6 weeks of radio, which I endured two years ago, is what is recommended for a cancer patient. So having more will also be difficult and dangerous. I was nearing the end of my one-year of chemotherapy (temozolomide) when my tumour came back. I can only hope than the next type of chemo I am administered is more effective at keeping the tumour dormant.

The next day, Friday afternoon, I met with a neurosurgeon. This surgeon is well regarded in Sydney, and across Australia. Currently I have a date for my brain surgery, 9^th May 2016, in Sydney.

For now, this is where I am at. To think about the outcome and the whole situation is a daunting thought. But I must break it down, to focus on what I can control in the process of getting surgery and starting the healing process, ongoing treatment, eating well, light exercise and being healthy. This is where I feel I can push through this hurdle. Much easier said than done, but I need to start somewhere!

It has been a testing week and I am so proud of my family, my close friends and my girlfriend Larissa for how strong they have been! I am currently looking at further options and will keep this blog updated with what is going on.

Keep enjoying life

Mex

A family friend from Jakarta, Indonesia, that I had not seen in nearly 20 years found me on Facebook in January 2016, and realised I have cancer. The power of modern social media! After a few emails back and forwards with Nita, she had twisted my rubber arm and I was enrolled in a health meditation course. I have never meditated in my life and little did I know that we would be exhibiting ‘noble silence’. No talking or communicating for the whole week! ME not talking for a day, for a week!? Impossible!!

3 months later in April I was on a plane to Bali, up to the mountains of Ubud. A beautiful, relaxing and zen location. I met the other 24 participants and we were all so excited! We were run through what we going to do, the rules, and what we could expect. Most people would want to walk out of the course by day 3 or 4, it would be an emotional rollercoaster, we would experience thoughts we may not have experience, and other perceptions of life. A real life changing experience!

I found it very hard not being able to communicate with the others. But in doing so, you really concentrated all day from 4:30am to the end at 9:30pm. Of course, if you need to ask questions you can. The day I cracked on, not day 3 or 4, but day 5. The day does not mean anything, but the fact that I still cracked. I thought ‘what am I doing here? I’m just going to pack my bags, get on a bus and go surfing for the rest of the week!’. Knowing that I would feel like this, I spoke to Pak Michael, one of our teachers, and he guided me through what I can concentrate on. By that night’s meditation session I was back into the meditation mode!

By the end of the week we had learnt a lot about meditation, loving kindness, wisdom, mindfulness, positive and negative energies but most of all, we had learned a LOT about our selves! I would definitely go again and would also recommend it to others. You don’t need to be sick or ill, it just enhances your positive approach to life and loving life!

On the last day, we all could not stop talking. It was like 7 days of talking coming out in one day. Pak Merta and Pak Michael were full of wisdom and were our amazing and teachers for the week. I would recommend anybody and everybody try this life enhancing experience, even if you don’t think you could do it! After all, its when we push ourselves that we get to greater heights and improve ourselves and our lives!!!

www.BaliUsada.com

Keep enjoying life

Mex

Pak Merta and Pak Michael, our teachers

Telling my story about living with cancer

The meditating room in Ubud, Bali